While these things may or may not be true, long before Bink was even a twinkle in his Daddy's eye, I knew I was going to breastfeed. My mom had breastfed me and it was one of those strange parenting decisions that I made way before I really thought it through. I would breastfeed. That's just how it was going to be.
Now I've been breastfeeding for 259 days (not that I'm counting or anything). It hasn't always been easy (which will someday be a post of its own), but now I'm 106 days away from my goal. I'm two-thirds of the way there! And I'm just losing steam.
When I talked about my goal to breastfeed for a year pretty much everyone said "well, just do it until one of you doesn't want to anymore." And I would smile at them and think to myself, sure, but we're going to do it for a year...and THEN if someone doesn't want to, we'll quit. But, we're GOING to do it for a year.
The problem is...*sigh* recently I've started fantasizing about the day I get my boobs back.
A day when they don't get pinched by tiny baby hands with saber sharp claws leaving purple polka dots all over my chest. A day when when they don't get bitten, chewed on, or clamped in the death vice of baby gums pulling away from me. A day when they shrink back to a normal, less hot-air balloon-like size and when they fit into normal bras instead of nursing bras.
A day when I won't feel like a middle of the night all-you-can-drink milk buffet. A day when I don't have to say "Now, Bink, not everyone wants to see Mommy's boobies" twelve times while I try to nurse him under a cover and simultaneously eat dinner in a restaurant booth*.
Mommy said boobies, that means dinner is around here somewhere, right?
Ah, one day...at least I can dream.
*If you think I'm kidding, you should see the list of crazy places this poor boy has eaten.
You are so lucky!! I made the same decision you made and under almost the same circunstances.. wayyy before I got pregnant, but I don't know if it was the 13 days the baby spent in the NICU or that he was bottlefeed when my breastmilk (that I pumped at the hospital) wasn't enough, but my production can't keep him full.. He keeps crying and wanting more.. and if I pump and give it to him straight from the bottle his hungry on hour after. I feel so bad, because I don't know if it was me not doing things right or it just wasn't meant to be for me. nowdays I nurse him everytime I feel I have enough for him and even when that happens I always have to suplement with 2 or 3oz of formula.
ReplyDeleteI found you on PSF, and this post caught my eye. I'm currently going through the same thing, and holy cow! People don't know how hard breast feeding can be! I also made the same goal to breastfeed for a year, which I was unable to do with my first son, but I am down to 125 days to go! I laughed when I read about fantasizing about getting your boobs back because that sounds so much like what I'm experiencing. good luck with your one-year goal! Thanks for sharing!!
ReplyDeleteThank you both so much! It's so nice to know that other people are going through similar experiences with breastfeeding (especially since people who aren't don't really want to talk about their boobs much!).
ReplyDeleteMaybelline, have you talked with a lactation consultant? Most hospitals have them on staff, they may even have a hotline you could call for advice. I've called mine a few times for tips and help.