Comedy of Errors, Part Two

You'll be happy to hear that the rest of my Tuesday was MUCH better than the expected, given the ridiculous start to the day.  I did spend about four hours total in Panera getting all the photos off my phone (and eating soup!).  I was slightly annoyed at spending so much time doing that, but then I got caught up looking at all the great pictures of Bink I've taken over the past nine and half months.  I also managed to max out a "Mobile Uploads" folder on Facebook.  Impressive.

If you'd like to see the pictures that ate my morning they are here and here.  (And you might as well become a fan of Pacifier In My Pocket while you're on Facebook anyway!)

Luckily, after all that preemptive work, the speaker on my phone magically began to work again.  Apparently it just needed to dry out from all the drool before it was functional again.

Before picking up Bink from daycare I was determined to accomplish one thing off of my to-do list for the day.  I managed to pop into Goodwill (yup, I'm cool like that) and pick up a pair of Liz Claiborne jeans, a grey cardigan, and a board book of Good Night, Moon for $12.  So at least now I won't smell like fish oil.  Blech.

Since its one of the first few nice days we've had in the Mid-Atlantic this year, I decided to take Bink on a walk before heading home.  We parking along a great bike and walking trail that runs for miles and miles around here.  Bink and I strolled along listening to country music from my iPod for a while and just enjoying being outside.

On the way home, I got what was actually my best idea of the day.  I called Hubby and told him to blow off grocery shopping for dinner.  Instead we picked up the kids and took them to the playground for a while.  K was happy to get to run around a bit and climb on things, even though she's a little too big for this particular playground.  We took turns pushing Bink on the swings and let him crawl back and forth though a tunnel  I picked up a pizza on the way home for dinner.

I felt guilty for not actually cooking dinner.  Not that I often do the cooking, but I'd offered this time.  But, sometimes you need to just throw some pizza on the table and spend that time doing something more important...like playing at the park.

Comedy of Errors

Uh, it's only 10 a.m. and I should probably just start today over.  Here's a little back story... I'm off of work this week for Spring Break (one of the advantages of working at a University).  I decided to spend most of the week with Bink, instead of sending him to daycare, but to also spend a half-day or two child-free.

Yesterday I kept Bink with me so we could go to his 9 month check up.  Today was supposed to be at least partially baby-free so that I could accomplish a long list of important things.  Like blogging.  And uploading home videos to YouTube.  And buying new jeans (since my favorite pair lost a battle to a fish oil vitamin last week...they still smell like a wharf).  

Last night I realized there was some breast milk in the refrigerator.  My mommy brain thought, oh, better freeze that.  It won't keep until next week when Bink goes back to daycare.  Next week?  Hey there, Brain.  How about tomorrow?  Now, thawing out milk isn't a big deal, but once its been thawed it needs to be used within 24 hours.  I try no to thaw it out unless I know we'll use it.  That meant I'd need to pump in the morning.

This morning started off pretty smoothly.  Hubby took baby duty last night so I'd had a mostly full night of sleep.  Bink got back in bed with me around 6:30 a.m., nursed, snuggled, and watched the Today Show until he was ready for a little morning nap.

We got back up, got dressed, and went downstairs so I could start pumping.  At this point I have had no Diet Coke, no coffee, no breakfast, no nothing.  I brilliantly decide to let Bink play on the floor while I pump since he hates being couped up in his exersaucer now.  I rationalize this by thinking we have baby proofed pretty well and there is nothing out that he couldn't play with.

I sit down to pump, hook everything up, and then start a constant loop of "No, no, Bink" and "Bink, put that down, want this?"  The problem with pumping is that it takes a while for your milk to let down.  And once it does, you really shouldn't detach and stop to chase after 9 month old babies.  Any stopping in the process slows down the milk, thereby delaying my diet coke, coffee, breakfast, and getting Bink's butt to daycare so I can have 10 minutes of peace.

Bink headed straight for my basket of books and magazines, grabbing firmly onto a paperback that my Mom lent me.  In order to save the paperback's life, I leapt up (still attached to the pump) and snagged it from Bink.  I offered him my cell phone instead.  He happily went to chewing and slobbering on that for a few minutes.  That is until he found my new issue of Working Mother magazine.  I justified letting him rip a few pages out of it...until he started to eat the paper.  I pretty sure he actually swallowed a small bite or two before I got the subscription card out of his mouth.  

Noticing the tower fan across the room, he took off crawling for it and tried to pull himself up.  The fan wobbled back and forth precariously for a minute before he gave up.  In order to lure him back closer to me I offered him...my shoe.  Don't judge me.  I was out of toys, paper products, and expensive electronics to bribe him with.

Amazingly, Bink had no interest in my flip-flop and promptly took off for the side table.  He snagged a pile of important paperwork from the contractor who is going to fix the snow-pocolypse damage to the house.  Knowing I'd been beat, I unplugged the pump bag (though I was still attached to the pump parts) and ran across the room.  I balanced the pump parts on my boobs with one arm and scooped Bink up with the other.  

You can imagine how well that went.  While I did salvage the paperwork from Binky's grubby paws, that is about all I managed.  In the process of setting Bink back down, I dumped breast milk all over myself...the pump bag...and my only clean pair of jeans.

At that point, I gave up.  I put Bink in his high chair with some puffs.  I put the pump bag on the kitchen counter to deal with later.  I wipe myself off, made Bink's bottle with what milk was left, and fed him a bowl of cereal.  

I dropped Bink off at daycare and started off in search of breakfast and, more importantly, caffeine.  I called Hubby for his "package delivery confirmation" (we always call after dropping Bink at daycare) and started chatting away at him.  Instead of responding to my witty recounting of the milk debacle, he says "Honey?  Honey?  Are you there?  I can't hear you!"

I hang up and call him back.  I can hear him.  He can't hear me.  I repeat this process a few more times (I'm not easily deterred by failure) before giving up, slapping some mascara on in the Panera Bread parking lot, and going to get my breakfast.

Iced coffee and bagel with peanut butter in hand I hunker down in a comfy chair for some free wi-fi.  I google "LG Dare speaker problems" and try to figure out a solution.  The first option is to remove the battery and let it sit for a few minutes.  When I take the back of the phone off, the inside is COVERED with baby slobber.  No wonder the speaker won't work, I'm amazing the phone is still turning on!

I dried the area off with my sleeve (resourceful, aren't I?) and let the battery sit for a few minutes before trying to call Hubby a few more times.  Still no luck.  Now I'm still sitting in Panera an hour and half later texting all my pictures and video to my facebook page since I'm pretty sure the Verizon store is going to want to restore the factory defaults on my phone.  

I woke up this morning thinking I was going to have a relaxing day to myself.  Ah, the best laid plans...

Things I Learned Today

Bink's daycare was closed today, so I took the day off to stay home with him.  Here's what I learned today:

1. Cat toys, especially jingly feathered ones, appeal to both cats and babies.
2. A naked baby, left undiapered for only a few moments while a bath is drawn will pee all over your clean sheets.  If the sheets are dirty, he won't even notice his diaper is off.
3. If you spontaneously decide to give the baby a bath off his regular schedule, he will reward you trying to eat the plastic shower liner.
4. Once you rediaper the clean baby, he will poop before you can even snap his onsie on.
5. A baby can get his socks off before you even finish buckeling him in the car seat.  If the socks miraculously make it until after you start the car, it's only because he was waiting until you were distracted by driving to try to eat them.
6. Nothing is more entertaining to a baby than his reflection in a dressing room mirror.
7. The best entertainment for a baby in a high chair is a few empty plastic sauce cups.  He will spend most of lunch playing with them and throwing them on the floor instead of eating his baby food.  Until...
8. He realizes whatever you are eating for lunch is infinitely more appealing than both the plastic cups and his own baby food. Even if its only vegetables, beans, and rice.
9. A baby can be cranky and screaming at his mommy, but if a stranger says hello he will light up and beam an adorable smile at them.  When the passer-by is gone, its back to crank pot behavior.
10. When a baby is being carried, all he wants is to get down.  When he's down, all he wants is to be picked up.
11. That one time you pick him up and he snuggles into, wraps his little baby arms around your neck, and gives you a slobbery, toothy kiss makes all the rest of it worthwhile.

Keeping Up With The New Age

How old do you have to be before you are officially old?  I'm less than 20 days away from turning 29 and most of the time I don't give much thought to my age.  My perception of what that word means has changed so much over the years...becoming progressively older the older I became (haha).  The problem is that I work with college students and they never get any older!

It's kind of like that gross Matthew McConaughey comment about high school girls from Dazed and Confused..."I get older, they stay the same age"

Most of the time it's fine.  Most of the time I can ignore the fact that they are closer in age to my 10 year old daughter.

10 going on 18

Most of the time I can get over the fact that they were almost all born in the 1990's.

And that even though they are only two years or so older they complain about how the incoming class of freshmen is so young that they will hardly remember how cool the 90's were...I was there, I don't remember the 90's being all that damn cool...maybe its because I was a geeky high school student eating her lunch in the Chemistry lab at the time.  Oh yeah, that.

My point being that most of the time, I'm ok with them looking at me like the 10 years that divide is really about 100 years.  Most of the time I actually prefer it, it can make my life a lot easier.

This morning, however, was a different story.  I'd been in my office for maybe 10 minutes.  I was still settling in, checking email, preparing for my day.  A student walked in, took one look at my computer which was on my Pandora* radio station page, and said "Oh, Pandora.  Keeping up with the new age.  Good for you."

Um, exactly how old does she think I am?  Am I too old to be listening to the RADIO?  I know it's a fancy version, but still.  There are PLENTY of things that I'm too old for, I'm aware of that.

Those teeny curtain looking things that college girls seem to call skirts these days.  Worn bare legged.  In February.  With SNOW on the ground.  And put a damn coat on while you're at it! 

But I can't be too old for the radio.  Good thing I'd taken off my fake Ugg boots and changed into my work shoes before she'd arrived or her head might have exploded.

Uh oh, am I too old for knock-off Uggs?

Oh well, I can't start worrying about that on top of this radio debacle this morning or my head might explode

I will console myself in the fact that my 8 month old (Blargh!  How did that happen?!) doesn't seem to know his mommy isn't cool yet.

 At least this guy thinks I'm the bees knees.

Er, better quit while I'm ahead.

What about you? Ever had one of those moments?  Ever done something even if you were too "old" for it?

*Sidenote:  Pandora is awesome and amazing and wonderful and glorious.  I was skeptical when these crazy college kids were talking about it and sure that I didn't need it.  I mean, I was already so hip, I had an iPod, I listened to regular radio stations on my computer, I was light years away from girl I was in my first job out of college when I listed to a CD Player for Pete's sake!  I decided to give it a try one day and I haven't looked back.  I leave it on ALL day in my office, I listen to it at home, I listen to it on my iPod.  Go there right now, enter some artists or songs you like, and enjoy the personalized radio station of goodness you get.